last night on JAIL

Ever heard of MyNetwork TV? I have, because I don't have cable. Apparently when the CW runs out of shows, MyNetworkTV comes on, and displays their very own shitty television. Last night I happened to catch JAIL. Yes, it's - "what happens after arrest, and before court."

They show the insides of jails and the booking process of the fresh meat new inmates and people who are waiting for court out in the holding areas. Lots of drunk lunatics, that's why I watched long enough for them to get to the LAS VEGAS police station...when OJ SIMPSON WAS ARRESTED!

I struck gold on one of four channels.

The cops are wiping his ass with compliments, and even chose the cell number that correlated with his football number - how cute. Also, OJ keeps talking about his awesome golf game.

The following video gets an A+; and what the hell, so does MyNetworkTV. (give me a job.)

SXSW '08 - Back from the grave

I'm certainly not going to write about my SXSW Music Festival adventure in detail. However! I will mention that I had 5 people staying in my one bedroom apartment, four out of the five weren't from America...so I got the thrill of introducing QUESO to people. That was amazing in itself. Favorite bands seen that I hadn't seen before, in order of favoritism: THE RIPPERS (Sardinia, Italy/Holy Shitsville), Gentleman Jesse and His Men (Atlanta), Tyvek (Detroit), Paul Collins and the BEAT (**NYC**; who played a show at my friend's barbeque. WHAT?), and The Okmoniks (Tuscon.)

It was 5 days of blurry vision, morning snot and drunken love of strangers that deserves a good send off into our memories. I was trying to think of an image that would capture the essence of the whole thing - when magically while watching a piece on Beerland (my favorite dive/ where i turn the sound knobs from time to time) the video paused for buffering and...VOILA! The perfect SXSW goodbye picture just lands on my already scattered brain.

So without further adieu, a big "LATER, BITCH!" goes out to SXSW 2008. See you all next year, but I won't remember it.




Okay, one more thing. If *I* were a news reporter, you wouldn't catch me in a stupid blue polo shirt. A) It's ugly. B) People might be confused that there is a new best buy in front of Beerland.



Until next time, if there is a next time.

Sippin' on some SIZZYRP (will kill you)

Holy shit! I hope Heath Ledger's autopsy report is this good!

This is an excerpt from the CNN.com artricle:

Influential Southern rapper Pimp C died of an accidental
overdose of a combination of drugs he had named in his lyrics -- codeine and
promethazine, the county coroner's office ruled Monday.

Pimp C, who was
found dead in December, was an influential Southern rapper.

The drugs are
key ingredients in "syrup," a narcotic of choice in Southern rap circles that
was most famously celebrated by Three 6 Mafia and Pimp C's group Underground
Kingz in the 2000 single "Sippin' on some Syrup." Read the rest of the article HERE.

I have never heard of an overdose from syrup. AKA Lean. AKA the purple drank. AKA delicious.

R.I.P. Pimp C.

Rest well knowing that every time someone takes a drink out of their three liter bottle of Sprite Remix loaded with that heavenly nectar, they will think of you. Dead.

Now click play below to listen to one of the best songs of 2007.

Love your Child, or Lose the Superbowl.

That's right. I found out that if you dump your pregnant girlfriend for a super model, you're doomed to lose the Super Bowl.

Now, I don't claim to know much about football, because I don't. I don't even watch football until the super bowl, and even then I pick my favorite based on the physical attributes of the quarterback.

Naturally, I went with the Patriots. (There's something odd about every one of those Manning boys...)

Anyway, while watching the game outside with my drunk friends I noticed that the camera kept cutting back to Peyton Manning in the press box everytime his wittle brudder would do something good or bad. This got me thinking, with how much that guy seems to love himself, WOULDN'T IT BE FUNNY...if he was yelling out "PEYTON!!" everytime the Giants did well?

For instance,
"TOUCHDOWN GIANTS. WAY TO GO ELI MANNING."



and "WOW, LOOK AT HOW WELL ELI MANNING DID JUST THEN."

back to Peyton for his reaction:




I know, it's a bit of overkill, but that's nothing compared to how many times *I* yelled out "PEYTON!!!" whenever they showed him in the press box.

Oh, and my favorite commercial?

Skull F*CK Stick Up

In a world where we're plagued by consumerism and where Johnny Depp is starting to show his age, we wonder - is anyone still doing anything worth writing about?

YES.

Remember weekend at Bernie's?

Apparently some genius assholes decided to try to commit robbery...with a corpse!

Kudos for the creativity.

Because I'm too lazy for plagiarizing today, check out the original NY Times article HERE.

We're All Going to Die

First - Happy New Year! If you're..into "time."

I went through my junk e-mail folder from my work account, and I found an email sent on Christmas day from my own work email account. Odd, I don't remember sending myself a holiday greeting via email. So what's inside? It's a bunch of HTML jargon with war ramblings and religious outlooks. But if you post the HTML, it's an ad for Valium. Neat. I still don't understand why any of the other text was even included. Subliminal email SPAM messages?? I'd rather listen to records backwards, but maybe that's a personal preference. This is what it was after I cleaned up all the "hey, buy valium!" and spam blocker HTML:

This article approaches
a subject that needs a lot of public
people who support war in the Mid East.:


In this sentence -- the author sums it up well.

"....And in a strange sense, war is kinda good and peace is kinda bad
-- since war is a sign that the end is near and peace on earth is a
sign of the Antichrist. Any Christian who doesn't agree with all this
is deceived at best and a heretic at worst...."

--------------------------------------------------

Troubling Worldview of the 'Rapture-Ready' Christian

by Bill Barnwell

When the subject of the "end-times" comes up, many Christians and
non-Christians don't want to talk about it. Some Christians, annoyed
with all the competing theories and terminology just say, "What
difference does it make? Jesus is coming back and I just need to be
ready" Non-Christians just assume that since Christianity isn't true,
then the whole issue doesn't matter. Well, actually, it does matter. I
will submit that the popular doctrines of the Left Behind series pose
very real threats not only to Christianity, but also to the wider
culture.

continued at --

Hello Everyone,

I caught a quick headline on the news last night about
"Evangelical Climate Initiative", where they said that the Evanelists
got together and decided something to the effect of"God made the earth
and it was a sin to pollute and destroy the earth, and we need to do
something about the greenhouse gasses and climate change." That was
all the news really had to say.

So I said, that sounds like the Christians are coming around to the way
the old religions have been thinking for years (Hellinic Paganism,
Asatru, Wiccan, Druidism, Celtic Paganism, Native American or First
Nation Shamanism, or any of the other spiritual paths along these
lines).

------------------------------------------------------

Yeah, that's it....wasn't I supposed to get some valium out of this?